I often hear parents blame their children’s adjustment issues on “the divorce.” Case in point was one author’s response to the #NotBroken campaign from Honey Maid. Unfortunately, that is the easy answer in a very complex situation. I see divorcing couples involving the children inappropriately in their conflict or giving the kids too much information on the demise of the marriage. Dr. Michele Borba teamed up with Honey Maid and I was lucky enough to interview her. Speaking with another parenting expert on helping children cope with divorce brought several valuable take-aways – focus on the children; leave your baggage at the door; create new traditions.
When I guide my parent clients through the process of divorce, I remind them, “Your children take their cue from you!” If you can manage yourself, your children will be fine. Alternatively, if you are emotionally disconnected, needy or erratic and there isn’t predictability and structure in your home, then your children cannot develop the resilience they need to adapt to a changing family system.
If you are a parent who is divorcing, keep these three key concepts in mind.
1. It’s actually NOT about you.
The marriage was about you, your family and your life with your partner. Now that the marriage is dissolved, it’s about the children. Find ways to manage your feelings of hurt, anger and abandonment appropriately. Seek help, living in a state of anger only makes things more uncomfortable for everyone.
2. Parenting through divorce is a marathon, not a sprint. (Click here to Read More)